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Slowest death in life is living

So after the fall of my empire. I’m back where I started alone on a Sunday night. The smell of the rain coming in from a window fan. The TV is off, the cable is on, the thrill of music is gone. What now is coming to the summers end & friends short love is gone once again. I’ll die slow & bleed my words thru a songs on killing myself w/ a soundtrack. Acting like nothing is on my mind is the song I sing. It hurts more than not & I give more than I got. There is no return on time, there is no me, I’m more like a number than a name, A burden than a person. How do I look in the mirror & see a man? What I see is a boy domed from the start. Fame, Power & Money but love was the only prize I wanted. I had it, lost it & use it. But nothing is stronger than this sinking drowning black hole of waking up tomorrow. If I could throw up my heart I would donate it. If I could share what’s on my mind I would waste it. But who cares! We live in a world today w/ bigger problems. War, hunger & people like me the nothingness that waits their demise. Maybe I should try harder to be something more productive. You know go back to school, get a degree, learn a new language. Do something other than playing video games, music & looking for the next level. Yeah, & get a Job so I can advance in life & keep on being the man I always wanted. But I don’t know what I want any more & everyday, second, minute, week, month, year, There’s no revelation. I believe in God, I just don’t want to believe alone & at the same time to each God his own. I’m stuck as the kid w/ the dreams of ruling the world. But in my world I’m not worth shit, you can say I’m having one of “THO’S DAYZ” but days add up. & I’m my own worst enemy, my only best friend. I’m not saying nobody loves me, I just can’t accept it. If you knew how many nights I cried & now I feel nothing but a Slow death. I created this monster inside of me. It’s different now & forever. I can’t get shit back, I lost the key & I’m losing in general. Yeah one day i’ll smile but it only for the pictures not for myself. Please don’t kill me the pain of life is torture enough. & Please don’t read this too seriously I’m in a moment.  (plus I can always erase this like my feelings) Good bye 2nd to last summer on earth. 

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